I don’t say that I am genius like Albert Einsten for I only remember that electricity was discovered because of lightning. I don’t say that I know everything for I am not an encyclopedia in fact I think I still have plenty to learn and plenty to discover. Maybe you have questioned where I’m leading you to. Actually I’m leading you to nowhere. I’m leading you to the world where absolutely no direction, no guidelines, nothing to understand about. I’m leading you to where my heart always goes. NOWHERE. . .
When I look at it in my own point of view, it’s as if going to a very white desert. No other occupants than me. I don’t know which way to go that felt right. That I feel is the right way. I’m confused of exactly what’s the right way. It’s hard to decide when what you’re deciding for is your life. One thing I’ve learned is that at the end of the day, it’s always been that I always follow my heart. Even how much my head tells me how wrong I was my heart always says that we only have one life and so we must go where no one dares to go. Explore all options. Try everything that is worth trying. That it’s only a matter of facing the consequence at the end of the line. In everything I do, I always take risk when I know that I can handle the consequence at end and when I know that whatever the consequence it’s worth it.
But when the consequence is heavy to bear, a burden to carry then why continue. Why pursue something that makes life heavy. Though I always hear the word “live life to the fullest” it’s still so heavy. Yah It could make me happy however; I know that behind all the joy I would feel there is misery lurking around me. I don’t want to be happy when I know I would be in pain. Though I know something deep inside would be missing and I would be empty I just can’t continue what I have started. In my heart I don’t want to hurt anyone but I know I’m doing it. I just don’t know how much and how deep. Though how sorry I am for doing this, would you judge me if for me it’s the right thing to do. Yes I sound selfish for I’m protecting myself from pain. I could not judge other people either; all I’m doing is ask and ask. I just want solid answer to those questions. Answers that would satisfy me. It may not be the usual one hour speech; even a single minute would do as long as it’s solid and realistic. Reality hurts, yes, but it’s better than fooling yourself and fooling other people of what’s true. Because you fool yourself and it’s like strangling yourself. Haven’t you noticed that? Have you experienced being strangled by your own self? I myself could admit with full knowledge and open eyes that I’m strangling myself. I’m killing myself softly; for I let myself be strayed somewhere I’m not supposed to go.
No man is an island. True, everything we do it’s always been shared with people. Painful is when people leave your hands half empty or worst empty handed in the middle of the fight.
Everything written reflects of what life is for me in general. Mysterious and profound in nature. You won’t know how to give meaning to everything. Life could not be interpreted through the study of Plato and Socrates. Life doesn’t have logic that gives its confusing factor. That’s why people get hurt. Life is learning through a painful process and learning with no ending. Life offers no tuition fee increase and no graduation at all as long as we still breathe. Each day opens new chapter of which we are accustomed to face. A chapter with a very smooth beginning and sensational ending. It’s not like the telenovelas of which we can predict what would probably be the next scene. Life always caught us off guard. That is where risk and consequence came from. Through the long process we learn to take risk and face consequence.
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