Island hopping Experience

I just had a very hectic Saturday, I slept around 12 midnight. And woke up at around 3 in the wee hours of the morning for our partsman arrived to prepare our food for the trip... I then realized it's our company outing day..... I got up, trying to heed as he requested me to help them. But i end up, chatting with a friend and went back to sleep, woke up 6 in the morning because i heard people talking outside.

I got up, changed my clothes and went out. There i saw the excited faces of my companion. And the first thing that got my attention is the marathon that STC had for their family day... Even if i have not had a very long and deep sleep the night before. I felt so alive. We waited for our transporatation to arrive while watching the marathon.

I was holding a Kutchinta when our transportation arrived, actually, our driver is no less than the President of our company, that is how humble they are. Our President and his wife did not have there breakfast so we went to a Jollibee drive thru and bought a hot choco.

The time we arrived at the mini port, our other co workers were already there. Also very excited for our first Island hopping together. As i stepped down that small piece of wood that connects the port and the boat, i felt as if i would fall on the water... I just kept on shouting, and laughing at the same time.

Silver Wing Motors....

Sale...

Honda Beat ----- downpayment 2,650.00
Honda XRM Rs -- downpayment 3,650.00

Silver Wing Motors,
General Maxilom Avenue, Cogon, Cebu City

Trance....

I am like in a trance...... everything happened so fast i could not decipher the feelings...

Ooh Ooh Feelings....

A friend ask me just last night... what if i would regret my letting a suitor wait for a very long time already....

I reflect on it and my heart aches... i dont want regret ... i have a few...

How i wish i could just pull out the pain like changing clothes

Believe in one self

He truly believe i could not live without him...
Oh sure....

A wound almost healed freshly cut again

I have this wound i am nursing, i thought i am healed but a sudden information cut again the wound and now it's good as new... I am journeying again to healing...

I cried at church last night, coz i couldnt bear the pain... it is so painful... literally painful that it's hard for me to breath..

I went home and slept... And for the first time in two days i have slept that long and that deep...

And i praise God for nursing the pain for me last night... For hearing me out...

Always Betrayed

This has been my outlet for a long time now...
And as of now, tears are threatening to come out from my eyes...
And i know deep down inside i am crying...

I was just wondering why i always end up betrayed with the
People i thought would never drop me..

Swayed????????

I am swayed with my emotions as the days wore on...
I want to be strong but i always end up feeling small...
I feel so small but i know that my God is Bigger than anyone in this World..

I told you,.. Trust in me...

That was the message i got from the Lord... Then a friend cried for she felt that it was directed to her....

In a way, i also felt that the Lord told me to trust in Him... Every endeavor and every trials that come my way. I just got to trust that in His hand I am safe....

I then remember the saying or motto that i hold dear to my heart...
" If God is with you, who can be against you."

In God's hand i know i am safe..

Seems like everything is falling apart again...

In my life, there were times wherein i have come to think to take my life....
I felt so miserable....
It is always that when i am happy, after a while, i would pay it with pain..
So painful that i don't feel that i have not done anything right in this life.

But i am afraid of God, coz if not, i have long gone take my own life...

A Bad day or a Great Day

I don't know but my heart is beating faster... i feel teary eyed... i feel something not good is about to come....

I feel the constant pain in my heart grew even harder now...
Though I knew this is just a feeling...
But feeling it is for it is somewhat pulling me down...

I have read a passage this morning which stated how God sent Angelst to save David against the lions in the lion den where He was thrown.... And i do understand what God told me this morning, that whoever trust in Him, will be saved...

Feeling my heart beat while its hurting...

I don't know what this day offers for me but i felt like crying...
Even if the sun is shining i felt mine is storming....

Things just dont go the way i wanted to go..... I kept on sinning... I kept on justifying... and in the end.. i question myself where am i leading to....

Just where am i going to? I once asked the Lord why did he forsake me.. But as time goes by, He answered that He did not forsake me... I was the one who forsake myself...

I kept on depriving myself the freedom and the happiness He gave me and prepared for me.... I felt so weak..

A punishment or just pure badluck

There are times when i ask our Lord Jesus, why everytime i see him, i always expect bad luck... Or was it just a punishment to me... I always pay something... It felt like i can't have him for free.. It should be that i have to compromise something if i let him see me..

Hard to let go....

All night long, i wished you were here beside...
All day long, my heart wished i could tell you i love you...

My nose is looking for you....
Goodness, how long will this end...
A love so great it came in the right time but to a wrong person...

Asked what i want but i dont have the freedom
To say what i truly want
Asked what is in my heart but i am afraid
To say what i truly feel

Questions, you can't answer....
Simple and plain
I know why you can't answer
You are just afraid to hurt me of which you already did
by not answering the question..

i wish for the day to come where i could truly
forget you heart and mind
i wish for the day that i could let go of the pain
and the love i kept in my heart becoz of you and for you...

Kept thinking...

I am very sleepy.. i wanted to sleep....
But if given the chance i cant sleep also...
I miss him so much..
Even if i dont get much of his time...

I miss him
Even if he hurts me a lot
I miss him
Even if i am close to him...

Things wont get better...
You said we would not see each other
But you are the one who always surrender
You said you would call
But you cant even drop a ring..

Life with you is full of pain and struggle...
But life with you i always chose to take...

A bittersweet Life

Today i face another struggle in life...

The other day it was about my lovelife, today it's about my career.

I have been wandering why, i feel i am the worst person in this whole wide world. I feel like i dont work. I feel like i did not do something right. I feel un appreciated......

All these negative feelings, i feel right now. I could even taste it in my mouth... the bittersweet reality......

I dont like what is happening right now... I dont like my environment... I dont want to be happy,.. Yes i am compensated well... But i regret my transfer here... Not on monetary amount but on the relationship level...

I miss my previous job.. I miss the people there. I dont like it here, the competition is killing me. I dont even compete but they feel i am competing.....

I dont know, what is it in me that they felt that way,. I am aloof for personal reason... For the pains that i am keeping not that i am competing...

It is so hard... I am giving my all... giving my everything... giving my time... my whole being but why is it that it still lacking...

I wish God would give me my hearts wish.... i wanted so much to work in a NGO so that i could serve people.. I serve poeple here but i dont think they see it.. I felt they are trying to kill me..... What i do is not enought for them,.. Is this a punishment? I wanted so much to serve where no one is watching, no one is gauging what i have done.... I dont need appreciation and i also dont need judgement.....

A disturbing dream

I had a dream last night which i cried till I woke up. A dream i wished were true but i am afraid if that day would come.

There, in my dream, i heard the person who caused me so much pain talk in his sleep, he seemed to be talking to the person beside him what he did to me and how he regretted it. And i was watching them in their state and even check if he was really sleeping.

I wished in my heart to hear that he regretted the thing that he led me to do that hurt me so badly i wanted to die. And i felt my heart died and he killed it.

My heart long to hear that he was also in pain from what happened. I have had my share of the misery. I had till now an almost two years of longing of something that wont ever come back to me. Even in my dreams. So as i heard him say how sorry he was of what happened it was like he opened my heart and licked my wounds. The wounds that i tried so hard to heal but resisted to be healed.

I woke that wee hours of the night alone with that dream dawning in my heart, and i cried..... I just cried...

And until now, as the day comes to an end... i still remember the dream and asked God why He gave me that dream...

I wanted to asked that person what happened when i did not even think of him, and why for two succeeding nights i dreamt of him.

I dont want to think of him anymore, coz alongside is the longing, alongside is the pain, alongside is my great love that makes me numb, makes me dumb and makes me a fool..

I dont want to think of him for he caused the biggest pain in my life and i dont even know how will i recover from it...

I dont want to see him even if my heart which is the so foolish of all the fools wants to.....

I want us to be at peace...

I dont want him abusing me.... Not anymore..

I know love, but i dont know how to love....

Cause everytime i fall in love, i loss my own self.....