A disturbing dream

I had a dream last night which i cried till I woke up. A dream i wished were true but i am afraid if that day would come.

There, in my dream, i heard the person who caused me so much pain talk in his sleep, he seemed to be talking to the person beside him what he did to me and how he regretted it. And i was watching them in their state and even check if he was really sleeping.

I wished in my heart to hear that he regretted the thing that he led me to do that hurt me so badly i wanted to die. And i felt my heart died and he killed it.

My heart long to hear that he was also in pain from what happened. I have had my share of the misery. I had till now an almost two years of longing of something that wont ever come back to me. Even in my dreams. So as i heard him say how sorry he was of what happened it was like he opened my heart and licked my wounds. The wounds that i tried so hard to heal but resisted to be healed.

I woke that wee hours of the night alone with that dream dawning in my heart, and i cried..... I just cried...

And until now, as the day comes to an end... i still remember the dream and asked God why He gave me that dream...

I wanted to asked that person what happened when i did not even think of him, and why for two succeeding nights i dreamt of him.

I dont want to think of him anymore, coz alongside is the longing, alongside is the pain, alongside is my great love that makes me numb, makes me dumb and makes me a fool..

I dont want to think of him for he caused the biggest pain in my life and i dont even know how will i recover from it...

I dont want to see him even if my heart which is the so foolish of all the fools wants to.....

I want us to be at peace...

I dont want him abusing me.... Not anymore..

I know love, but i dont know how to love....

Cause everytime i fall in love, i loss my own self.....